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Even decades after the event one of my major regrets is that of the 11 or so years that I spent immersed in the skateboarding sub-culture that I have lamentably few photographs (and video footage) from that era.

When I think of some of the sessions that took place in locations such as Tesco’s multi-storey car park, the flowerbeds in the Sheridan centre and the banks and various urban furniture of the local park it burns me to know that they almost entirely exist only as memories now. Even more so when those locations have been erased from existence since the passing of the 90’s.

Those switch ollies over the tall iron bollards outside the front of Sainsbury’s. The ollie over the large seesaw in the town park. The backside 180 back foot kickflip down the park banks. The 360 kick flips over the raised flowerbeds in the Sheridan Centre. Various lines up, down and across the banks in the park.

So many more locations, so many lines and so many memories of those formative years that played out in the urban expanse of my small hometown and its surrounding suburbs. That whole era, although far from perfect, opened something inside me that words simply fail to describe let alone even begin to express.

The people that I met. The experience of watching the world around me open up with every new location that I visited and every new face that I met. The freshness of each moment. That incredible feeling of being alive and the sense of limitless potential and possibility that each day seemed to present.

I would have loved to have captured as much of that time on camera as far as was possible. Such a defining era in my life and some memorable times that will forever burn in my heart (not all of them so positive nor endearing to reflect on though).

I did try to get the other skateboarders - those few who I could loosely define as friends (as the cliques within the so-called skateboard community were always an unpleasant reality that never jived well with me) - to pool money together to make a video but partying and drinking was more of a priority for those guys.

It’s sad to think, in that pre-smartphone era - how we could have captured that time for the decades that would follow afterwards (a keepsake, if you will, of our youth) but the opportunity was squandered and lost thanks to “friends” that were too damned immature, lazy, unfocussed and self-centred to think beyond their own indulgence.

As much as I loved skateboarding (and it was my all-consuming passion throughout my teenage years) I do have a confession to make.

I never liked the skateboarding community.

I tried, I really did. I tried to identify and connect but it was like mixing oil and water. I simply didn’t belong - even as much as I loved the skateboarding itself. In all my years as part of that scene I felt a huge disconnect with those who should have had my back and been identified as fellow brothers. Their immaturity and often antagonistic behaviour was always a source of frustration and disappointment that would lower the enjoyment of experience of an activity that I loved and held dear.

Was I perfect? No. Did I have my fair share of growing up to do? Yes (and I still do in middle-age). At least I respected other skateboarders and didn't antagonise the public though. No matter my faults and limitations I always had that in my favour - not to mention being truly in love with the sport itself.

I went through a decade of seeing various faces leave, enter and stay for a while before subsequently leaving. At first it was the older generation of teenagers who I first encountered as a fresh-faced 12 year old boy. Many of those guys were just plain shallow, boring and no different from many of the bullies that I encountered at school - particularly as they dwarfed me in physical size and weren’t shy about using that to intimidate me.

It sucked wanting to be accepted by a community that was part of an activity that I loved only to find myself, in some quarters, targeted for bullying and being treated with open contempt and ridicule.

Those guys were some of the lowest people I have ever come across. I remember hearing how Jim (a particularly ugly looking skater, a year older than myself, whose face permanently resembled that of some spoilt little brat spitting out its dummy - an ugliness that was only surpassed by an attitude that stunk to high heaven) was laughing with other skateboarders whilst relating how I had broken my arm.

This injury occurred whilst he was there with two other skateboarders and not one of them helped me nor showed any empathy nor compassion for the pain I was in. I had to struggle to get to hospital by myself (there was some good news that came out of this though: turns out that I had only ruptured the ligaments in my elbow and thankfully not broke my arm).

That one event pretty much summed up the skateboarding community in my experiences over 11 years being involved with that activity.

Not one single friend who ever had my back. No one I could rely on. Just a bunch of mostly immature, self-absorbed, obnoxious cunts with bad attitudes and no real character nor integrity whatsoever.

It saddens me to think that the people I wanted to find just weren’t present. They just weren’t there. Sure there was the odd exception now and again but they never stayed for long. Most of the skateboarding community - I am sorry to say - were lessons in how low people can truly be (like the time when one of them stole my money when I wasn’t looking or the times I would be targeted with physical violence and couldn’t fight back due to the weight of numbers that were stacked against me).

Not one single fuckin’ friend there. Not one.

It was satisfying though to learn that one particular bully, Graham, was thoroughly schooled by the larger and far-more-skilled-in-violence employee of the local skateboard store who took exception to my being bullied…strangely Graham dropped out of skateboarding not too long after this point and I was never bothered by him again (thanks Dean - much obliged…even 31 years removed from that time).

The next generation weren’t much better in terms of character as many of them were too focused on smoking cannabis, consuming ecstasy and - in some cases - dropping acid (this was the Rave era of the early 90’s and many who came into skateboarding simply gravitated towards the drugs scene during this time). Thankfully by this time I had started to fill out and was now equal in size or larger than other skateboarders so the bullying and theft was now a thing of the past. The bad attitudes still persisted though.

The mostly younger generation that followed, from the mid 90’s onwards, was largely a clique composed from one of the local high schools whose time was largely spent sitting around smoking cannabis and attracting lots of negative attention and complaints from the general public.

They were simply childish, little brats with the worst attitudes who, if I’m going to be brutally honest, were in desperate need of a good kicking. It might not have solved their attitude but it would have made for some gratifying stress release at the time.

This was my experience of the skateboarding community and it’s a shame that an activity that I loved so much was dominated by so many lame, apathetic and downright obnoxious individuals.

Just bad attitudes, bullying, drugs and immaturity for the most part.

There were only the rare few, that I could literally count on the fingers of one hand, who actually had any depth, character and integrity to their presence. They never lasted long though. They’d come into skateboarding and leave within a year (often within a couple of months) and I’d rarely, if ever again, see them after this point.

I often wonder what happened to Chris Kai, Ben Legge, Dave Porter, Graham Ball, Jay from Stoke and some other faces whose names I just cannot recall now.

Sadly, in my 11 years being part of that scene, I never made any lasting friendships from within that community. Not a single friendship that persisted. Not one.

I have no idea what the vast majority of the people from that era are doing now. I know at least one of them died some time back in a motorbike accident. I know another guy ended up with brain damage after working the drug trade and getting into a fight with a rival dealer and his crew. Another guy, from the younger generation of skateboarders, almost died in a life-changing traffic accident in Thailand and now lives with a permanently deformed head as a reminder of that event.

I heard that his accident drew visits to Thailand from some members of the same skateboarding community no matter where they had been in the world. I have to respect that but why didn’t a single one of them also reach out and help me when I was homeless or when I almost died from anaphylactic shock and spent two years struggling with life-changing health issues?

Where were my friends in the skateboarding community then? They didn’t even know where I was nor how I was doing because they didn’t care. I didn’t matter to them. I didn’t even exist. Nobody made an effort to keep in touch. Nobody even wanted to - even the few friends that I thought I had. That’s a pretty harsh pill to swallow but it is what it is.

I loved skateboarding. I really did. The activity was always pure creativity combined with adrenalin and eagerly anticipated every day that I woke. It was such a huge part of my life growing up and helped open my mind to a world of possibilities and potential that I will forever be grateful for - even decades later.

As for the skateboarding community?

They never did right by me.

Not once.

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